There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
