he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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