and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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