at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
