The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
