I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
