my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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