the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
