Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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