she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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