All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
