I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
