I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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