I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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