so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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