There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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