I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
