You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
