he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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