ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
