Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
