I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You smell like stripper and shame
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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