they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
