My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
