Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
