So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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