i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
