3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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