but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
