this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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