There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
