he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
