I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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