Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
