My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
