Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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