Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
