yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
