girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
