i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
