I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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