Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
