Swine flu. Run for my life!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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