I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
