she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
