i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
