I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
