so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
