I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
