I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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