goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
