also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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