I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
