I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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