as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
