my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
