I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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